Leap of Faith

I was thinking, just really reflecting. I envy women who are married without kids. I am jealous even. A man chose them for who they are individually.  Not me, I was a baby mama first.

Does my husband love me? Yes. Does he love me for me? I will never know. He loves me as a mother. He love me as the almost wife I was to him. We will never know if he truelly loves me. For that, I will always be insecure.

It is easier to choose not to loose something you already have, than to choose the unknown. He did not step out on faith to get what he has. He did not choose me; he chose our family.

No justice no peace? Well ignorance is the greatest injustice we have.

http://michigancitizen.com/court-rules-michigan-has-no-responsibility-to-provide-quality-public-education/

So, apparently we don't actually have to educate children.  I have always been a social Darwinist, a jaded cynical educator with radical ideas which are the product of venting. But this is real! Try your best and if the kids are dumb oh well? Move to a better neighborhood?  Don't be poor?

As teachers, we get a bum wrap, the shaft, thrown under the bus, insert idiom at infinitum, but we have to try. If we say it is OK not to educate our poorest children in the same month we say it's ok to kill them what future do we have?

In writing most people insert quotes from powerful or notable figures to prove their point. It carries weight and clout. I will say this: the greatness of a people is measure not by its upper echelon but by its lowest caste. Notice that it's not in quotes... why? Because I said it, you can quote me. The treatment of our poorest children is the barometer by which we should judge ourselves. If we choose to or let others kill and incarcerate them instead of educate them who are we?

My black boys

I will raise them to be smart. I will raise them to be kind. I will raise them to be respectful.  I will raise them to be loving. I will raise them to be skeptical. I will raise them to be wary. I will raise them to be aware.

I will raise them to have intellect. I will raise them to have integrity.  I will raise them to have patience.  I will raise them to have fear. I will raise them to have humility.  I will raise them to have persistence. 

I will raise them to be smart enough to know danger no matter what face or uniform it wears.
I will raise them to be kind to those who may not be kind to them.
I will raise them to be respectful to any and all authority figures even if they are not respectful to you. 
I will raise them to be loving to the neighbor who misjudge them.
I will raise them to be skeptical of all information from sources friendly and foreign.
I will raise them to be wary of all actions and statement a of others.
I will raise them to be aware of all peo o let and surroundings.

I will raise them to have intellect so that they can decipher ignorance and conjecture from knowledge and truth.
I will raise them to have integrity so that they uphold the law of right when others fail to do so. 
I will raise them to have patience so that they can suffer all the injustice they will face. 
I will raise them to have fear because it is the basest and most natural indicator of danger.
I will raise them to have humility so they will always be seen for who they are not what they do. 
I will raise them to have persistence because they must succeed in a system that was not designed for them.

Heads high, minds open, heart pure, and unfortunately hands up. That's how I will raise my black boys. I want them to survive long enough to change this, so this is not how they have to raise their black boys.

Ferguson

I should blog this, and it will fuck up my notifications but... a grand jury is supposed to see if the evidence should be brought to trial and can get a conviction. Putting him on trial would not bring a conviction.  All that has to be proven is he feared for his life. How can we prove he didn't fear for his life? The law is fucked up.

But all the black people complaining, how many of ya'll voted in the midterm elections? Statistically, most of the disenfranchising laws are passed during midterms, not presidential elections. You want to change the system? First participate then protest.

Willful ignorance kills more of us daily then cops crack and crime. No human has the right to take another humans life, but the laws are to blame when he gets away with it. The death is on him, the lack of indictment is on us.

Bill and Bull

Stop being blind! Whether the rape allegations against Bill Cosby are true they bring up a sad truth: people still doubt rape. They are highly skeptical. I've read more criticism than open minded maybe and I don't knows. I real life I am pleasantly surprised when I meet, a women over 30 who says she hasn't been raped or molested. 1 in 3 people! And 1 in 10 are reported. I'm not saying it happened I honestly don't know, but I know I could have. Any man could be a rapist, and any female could be a victim statistically.

The Response

I had a textverstation I promised not to respond to... So I will blog vent where no one will ever see.

My text: I will not be able to help plan nor will we attend your wedding as it is our first wedding anniversary. Honestly I am hurt that you would ignore me for a year then ask me to help plan an event on my first wedding anniversary. It puts me in a position to either not attend an event I helped plan or to have to sacrifice my happiness for yours. All that would be find if you had told me before I agreed to help or as soon as I knew. I would have helped plan then not attended as I will ne out of town.However, I find it inconsiderate an crass that you I would have to find this out in a mass email. It means a you either forgot my wedding which you at a year ago. Or you don't feel its important enough to acknowledge. Whichever is true it means you don't care about me as a person. I'm ok with that. It's good to know. Best of luck to you your baby family and friends on your days.

Her response: Megan you are delusional. Out of common courtesy I keep my commentary to myself. But you've officially pushed me too far. I asked for help with INVITATIONS. But your head is so far up your ass you can't even do that. Don't worry, my family will be great. And April 1 is not only significant to you. Other people have significant events that have happened on that day too. But again, your "head-up-my-ass" syndrome has blinded your MINOR  ability to be logical. So forget I asked. Forget me. Because you're pushing me out of character. So do you and I'll do me. And I BEG you not to respond because my grudge holding ability is very strong right now and will only be of detriment to you.

The response that will never be: 1 I say Im hurt and that you don't care about me and you respond with anger. When I accidentally hurt someone and they tell me they are hurt, I attempt to assuage their pain because I care. That further proves my point. 2 You had 1 of 2 things in mind to either have me help with invitations to an event I was not invited to, or not be able to attend an event for which I made the invitations.it is loose loose for me. To put someone in a loose loose is inconsiderate 3 I realize the day may ne important to you. Does that prevent you from acknowledging it is important to me? Before my wedding I personally called anyone for whom I thought my wedding may be an imposition. I thanked them for considering to come inspite of... But that's me. 4 finally as for your threat... Of what detriment can you be. I have a husband who loves me who have never lied to, so you can't hurt that. To harm me physically or financially would harm my children as well. If you are that evil go ahead, negatively affect the lives of innocent children I tried to quit my job they asked me to stay. Even if you could get me fired, again to get me fired would hurt my kids so. Then we come to our friends. One hates you now so good luck with that. The only other two we have in common approved the text message before I sent it. Hell the opening line is a direct quote from their suggestions. I asked them for advice because they know I lack tact. They thought what I said was tactful and appropriate. Face it, short of ignoring me, which is what you did all year until you needed my help, you can't hurt me. So do your worst... I'm curious to see how a good Christian like yourself can do detriment to me without purposely sinning. I do wish you the best. I mean that. I hold no malice. I never wished you ill will. I just said I won't be there. You hurt me, and you don't care.

Letters to Logan

Dear Logan,

Passion does not a life make. You burn with passion behind an icy steel skeletal structure. Your touch hard as steel but ferocity burns in your eyes.

The Phoenix Saga has ended. I can not control her powers I only keep her contained. Though she is a powerful force, she is uncontrollable. I must do all I can to protect Scott from the Phoenix. Your adamantium is the only substance that can with stand her wrath, and your regeneration allows you to return time and time again? But why put anyone through that? I will contain the Phoenix for the safety of all involved.

Jean